I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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