he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
