so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
