Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
