its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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