He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
