saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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