Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
