so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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