Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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