You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
