I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
