the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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