we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
