I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
