I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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