I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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