Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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