we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
there was a trapeze. enough said
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
