dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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