Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
