I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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