Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
