I just pynch a tree in the face
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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