Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
