covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
