I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
