Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
