I think my vagina is haunted
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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