just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How's work?
Spinning.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
