i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
