Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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