Swine flu. Run for my life!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
