can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
