I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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