Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
