Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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