Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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