we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
