actually, I'm a sock model
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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