i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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