I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You were trust falling into bushes
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
