Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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