Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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