wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
smell my finger.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
