Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
