Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
