Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
