Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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