If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize