can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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