Whod you bang
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
