you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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