her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
