If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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