Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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