:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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