4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
