We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
