The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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