So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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