eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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