man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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