ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
